Last Thursday I had an exciting email pop up on my phone. Philippa Hanna, a British Christian Singer, is looking for support acts to join her on tour. I immediately applied and left a little comment on her YouTube video, saying how I’d love to be considered. I prayed about it and left it in God’s hands.
The next day, I was taking a look at some of the other applicants and I quickly began to feel rather stupid for putting myself forward. I started comparing myself with these other artists, who not only sounded more professional than me but were younger than me too!
Pride had crept in
I was imagining Philippa and her team watching my videos and laughing at them and I had a sudden urge to delete everything I had ever recorded and just hide away. It’s been a long time since I felt insecure and insignificant but I stupidly welcomed these feelings back like an old friend and spent way too much time nursing my ego.
A change is coming
It wasn’t long before I recognised this ugly pride within me and I repented before the Lord. I challenged my own motives and reasons why I share these worship songs in the first place. It’s never been about performance for me but a heart of worship, desiring to bring glory to the name of Jesus.
These feelings of insecurity and insignificance were not from God. I know that God has a perfect plan for my life and if I’m meant to support Philippa Hanna on tour, then He will make that happen. If I’m not meant to, then I know that God will keep that door firmly shut.
If and when God does give me a platform, one thing is for sure, I will only ever use it to lift up the name of Jesus, that He alone would be glorified through me.
This is God’s stage.
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